In which much smoke is produced indoors, a heating device is used improperly, and labels are ambiguous

On Saturday, I bought a baguette at the store. In a moment of inattention, I actually thought it was an unbaked baguette dough, ready to be popped into the oven and baked. Upon opening the package, I realized it was actually a complete baked baguette, ready to be eaten. Still, on the label there was a little glyph I perceived to indicate 'microwave' and the words '6-8 minuten'.

Now, we have a funky combo oven/other heating options appliance. I'm sure it's super useful for urban European living, which usually puts a premium on space. Here in our apartments, however, we could easily dedicate half of our living room to an elaborate shrine for this combined cooking appliance (CCA) without negatively affecting the livability of the place.

My roommate and I have made liberal use of the CCA for our delicious one-euro frozen pizzas, albeit only on one setting, which we empirically determined to most closely match a standard American definition of oven. That setting has this symbol on it:



In attempting to find a microwave setting, I fiddled around with the dial and found one setting that roomie and I thought made suitably microwave-like lights and noises. The LED display let me set a time. I split the difference indicated on the package and put it on for 7 minutes. I then went to take a quick shower and roomie went to his computer in the other room. About halfway through the shower, I noted that the bread was smelling quite good.

Less than a minute later, I heard the smoke alarm go off and quickly ended the shower to see what was up. I opened the bathroom door and emerged into a completely smoke-filled room.

Three days later, our room still smells like burnt material. Amoong other options, our CCA apparently has the equivalent of 'oven', 'microwave', and 'two GIANT lasers and the sun,' as indicated by this helpful symbol:


When we opened the CCA to inspect the damage, this is what we found:


The baguette was completely black through and through. Maybe I'm just ignorant about cooking, but I'm reasonably sure that neither microwaves nor ovens go from lickable-without-repercussions to fill-the-room-with-smoke in seven minutes.

Overall, it was a learning experience: don't experiment with hot things, don't trust labels, and if I were ever to make a CCA, think very hard before adding a giant laser option, and if you absolutely must, label it unambiguously.

Or, maybe the real lesson is:don't put baguettes in the oven ;)

America vs Amsterdam

So, the trader-trainees finished their training last week and headed back to America today. There was a farewell-trainees party at a faux beach bar in the middle of town. It was a nice place, but the beach was mostly an excuse for oversized outdoor furniture, boardwalks, and bars. Still, the food was good and the drink was plentiful.

Anyway, keeping in mind that the traders get to go back to America today, and we get to experience another week of wonderful Amsterdam, I thought I'd put up a couple things I miss, or will miss, about each place.


Things I will miss about Amsterdam:

Public, outdoor urinals
I'll try to get a picture of these. Really, they're a great idea, I promise. Especially since most public restrooms aren't free. Maybe in the US women's rights groups would sue for discrimination (not making that up... it's actually happened concerning sports stadiums). I just hope they don't empty straight into the canals, like the houseboats do.



Bicycles as a primary, casual means of transport and commuting
As I've mentioned, many many people here cycle to work, in suits and stuffy corporatewear. Its different than in the US, though; the bikes are primarily made for comfort and easy transportation. They are heavy, and many come standard with lights and racks for transporting things. You'll also see weird bikes with large wagon-sized buckets in the front for children, and children's seats up between the handlebars. The typical Dutch bike is a Clydesdale, while typical American commuting bikes are more like thoroughbreds. My bike is very similar to the blue bike in the picture, while the bikes that could carry a sandbox are in the foreground.




FEBO... in principle, mostly
FEBO is a fastfood chain seen all over the place in downtown Amsterdam which primarily consists of a large wall of food in heatlamps behind coin-op doors. You put coins in, and the door unlocks. While that may seem yucky, the food is really hot and usually hasn't been sitting there that long... and if you're walking around downtown Amsterdam looking for munchies late at night, chances are you aren't going to taste the difference anyway. Also, the Burger Kings here can take forever if you're unlucky, but you're pretty much guaranteed to be in and out of a FEBO in under 30 seconds. Some people don't like Dutch-style burgers, which taste a bit meatloaf-y to Americans, but I don't mind them.



Dutch fries with their frite-sauce
Dutch French fries are made good, hot, and tasty, and they're served on the street and in nice restaurants. What's more, they come with a tangy mayonnaise-like sauce that actually tastes good, unlike the bland mayo of the states. Win-win-win.

Not the smell of weed
There was a novelty factor of just getting a giant whiff of weed hitting you and being like "haha! weed is legal here!" in the middle of an otherwise pleasant walk around downtown, but now it's just annoying. And its not just downtown, either. You can be walking along calm canals and just get punched in the face with the smell.

Being able to order "beer" and be satisfied with whatever comes back
Heineken is definitely not my favorite of beers. In fact, I probably prefer Miller Lite over Heineken. Regardless, when I'm in Europe I can simply order "beer" and have no qualms or worries about the quality of the product I will be served. Also, it helps that I just have to know one word, and beer is pretty much understood in any language.

Having justification to feel slightly out of my element
85% of Dutch people speak English, so it really isn't any problem to approach any proprietor and start speaking in English. That being said, much of Dutch is unintelligible in writing, and there are cultural differences as well: I still wouldn't feel confident navigating the European train system. It was like this the first couple days in Chicago too; knowing which train to take, how much to pay for the train, where to find a meal, etc. Here I can just stammer and speak English slowly, and people will understand that I'm not a dullard and just a clueless tourist. In Chicago I won't have any such recourse and will have to just look silly til I get the hang of things.


Things I miss about the US:

Trashbags and trashcans all over
Europe is not big on trash; their trash bags and trash cans are smaller. In America, we like everything big, including our trash cans. I'm not sure if they're bigger because we throw more things away, or we throw more things away because its so easy and convenient. Either way, the end result is that for Americans in Europe, throwing things away is NOT easy. Whereas in American public places, trash cans are all over the place, they are few and far between in Amsterdam. Being the conscientious non-litterer that I am, this results in me carrying a FEBO wrapper, an empty water bottle, and napkin most of the way home before I cross paths with a trash can.

Not paying for restrooms
In Europe, many public restrooms are 50 Euro cents or more for access. This would never fly in America. And they're not any cleaner for being not free.

Decently sized drinking glasses and not paying for water at restaurants
American people have healthy thirst levels. Apparently, Europeans are camels in disguise, accustomed to going long periods without drinking much water, and conditioned to only drink water in half-ounce increments. Truth be told, for our 2 person apartment, we have 13 sets of 6 drinking receptacles... margarita glasses, whiskey glasses, janever glasses, drinking glasses, 4-5 different types of wine glasses, etc., but not a one is actually a decent water size. (For those of you who were counting... yes, our apartment actually has 78 glasses for two people)

Also, if you order water at a restaurant, much of the time you'll get a bottled-water 1-liter bottle made of glass. For all the eco-aware posturing of Europe, transporting individual liters of water in ridiculously thick glass bottles seems a tad wasteful. And they probably charge 13 euros for the water too.

Residential air conditioning
Truth be told, residences in the Netherlands probably need air conditioning maybe 2-3 days out of the year. However, we happened to arrive on exactly those two days, and trying to sleep off jetlag when its really hot doesn't help. In any case, sleeping in A/C is something to which I'm looking forward upon my arrival to the states.

Not having a weird, semi-euro accent
As long as I can remember, I've tended to mirror and reflect the speech patterns of those with whom I'm conversing. In this trip to Amsterdam I've understandably been conversing with many non-English speakers. Because of this, I've adopted an odd speech cadence where I pause in the middle of my sentences and then finish it quickly, mirroring the non-English speakers who pause to find the right words for the rest of the sentence. Also, I'll end many sentences with an slight elevation of tone, mirroring the English of those who are implicitly seeking validation for the correctness of their sentences.

Stores with friendly closing hours
Shops here close early. Almost everything is closed before we leave work, and usually not open yet by the time we leave. Conveniently, the grocery store is open til 8pm or so. Except on Sundays, when it doesn't open at all.


So, that's a short version of my observations of day-to-day differences between Amsterdam and the US. As much as I like it, I'm excited to get back to the States soon.